Hump Day. How was your Hump Day? It's about being in the middle of the week, jackass, stop thinking of a camel's genitalia.
Is Jackie Toledo ducking Guido Maniscalco's challenge to a debate prior to the Tampa City Council District 6 runoff race? Will his gambit make him appear to be a bully? Will her controversial photo continue to be an issue? Are ... are you asleep? Yeah, we put you to sleep. Sleep well, uninformed voter. We'll wake you for the Muslim abortions at gunpoint thing.
A study reveals that Tampa Bay cities are not as economically and professionally diverse as they could be (or as our perceptions of some of them might be), which could make them less sustainable and more susceptible to recessionary damage. You know what this means: Quit your tourist-dependent service gigs immediately and pursue that dream of becoming an artisanal digital innovator for the good of the region! (Actually, don't —"artisanal digital innovator" is code for "soon to be homeless unless you inherited a shitload of money or are really good at literally selling nothing.")
Cops arrested a couple of 17-year-oldsfor shooting that dog and tying her to some railroad tracks in Sulphur Springs earlier this month. Dogfighting might be involved. Teenagers and dogfighting. Again, everyone is innocent until proven guilty, but I'm pretty sure we could build a dozen houses for the homeless by charging $5 per ticket for a lottery in which 50 lucky winners will be treated to dinner and the private spectacle of watching these two young gentlemen being fed to the next batch of starving canines rescued from a fighting ring.
And finally, somebodystole a tractor trailer filled with "multiple tons" of shredded cheese bound for Hungry Howie's pizza joints when it was left overnight at a truck stop in Summerfield, up in Marion County. Should you ask me why someone would steal $85,000 in mozzarella — more than the average Central Florida dirtbag and his entire metal band (and their families) could eat in a lifetime — I would counter with this: Why would the criminal undertake the operation at all, seeing that it required the further step of stealing a hauler truck from the same place in order to pull all that sweet, sweet cheese away? We all know the answer — to paraphrase Lawrence Walsh in Chinatown: "Let it go, reader. It's Florida."