"So, what do you want to be when you grow up?" Gary skipped another shell across the oily surface of the retention pond.
"I dunno," said Adam, "but my father says whatever I end up doing, I should be 'influential.'"
"What does that mean, 'influential?'"
"It means," said the homeless veteran watching the water from a towel down the bank, "'compromised.'"
FRIDAY, MAY 15:
Floridaset a new first-quarter tourism record, with more than 28 million people visiting the state. Meanwhile, I get pissed if more than six strangers knock on my door over the course of any given decade; maybe I should enact a porch tax.
News broke that Republican presidential hopeful (chortle) Marco Rubiocashed in his retirement savings just prior to announcing his bid for the White House. Which probably should serve as a GIANT RED FLAG to prospective voters right there, yes?
Legoland Florida's new hotelis open for business. Turn the light on before you get out of bed — every room comes with complimentary "random scattered foot-lacerating Lego block service" (TM) for that singularly authentic experience.
SATURDAY, MAY 16:
WFLA news anchor Gayle Sierenswill be giving her last broadcast this week after 38 years in the biz. Like all news, I read about this online. Coincidence? No, seriously, hats off to Gayle for her many years of public service throughout a time when people got their information from a trusted, friendly face from the community. She's awesome, and along with several of the other recent local anchor retirements, her stepping down really does mark the end of an era.
Hillsborough County Commissioner Al Higginbothampublicly voiced his frustration with the lobbying by private corporate interests on behalf of Environmental Protection Commission candidate Janet Dougherty. In related news, there's gonna be an extra olive in a certain county commissioner's next martini, compliments of yours truly.
SUNDAY, MAY 17:
And finally, according to the Tampa Bay Times, fewer teachers are seeking an additional accreditation from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards, because the state doesn't help pay for or offer a bonus for achieving it. Because why in the world would we want to offer teachers incentives to be the best shapers of young minds they could possibly be? *throws up into the bleach bucket in the janitorial closet that doubles as a toilet*