Good news, everyone.On his radio show Tuesday, Glenn Beck said St. Pete is among the 15 American cities everyone (i.e. the oafs that take him seriously) should stay away from.
"These are the cities that you do not want to live anywhere around as things get worse and worse," Beck said.
His statements were first reported on the conservative commentary site The Blaze.
The Sunshine City is number six on the list, and it sure as hell was in good company.
"Number six, sorry to break it to you, St. Petersburg, Florida," Beck, who got his start in Tampa, said.
Others on the list were Seattle, Denver, St. Louis, San Francisco and Columbus, Ohio.
Portland, Oregon was the number one city to "avoid like the plague."
So, basically, anywhere there's a profusion of art, beards and craft beer.
The conservative blowhard said there's an obvious common thread among the cities, but his list was not inspired by it.
"They are the most progressive cities in America," he said. "That's not what I based it on."
So what did he base it on? Get ready to laugh.
"This is a list of the top 15 least religious cities in America," he said. "And if you look at the list, these are the cities that are already having trouble."
And by not being religious, dude means not being full of ultra-right zealots that want to turn this country into a Christian version of Saudi Arabia.
Islam, Wicca, Buddhism, Hinduism and more inclusive Christian sects? Not religions, apparently, to Beck.
Yes, St. Pete's lack of obedient, boring churchgoing folks is why we're struggling with failing schools on the south side. The city's profusion of yoga studios is to blame for all of that terrible flooding earlier this month. And all of those witches on the 600 Block are practicing dark arts to create an eternal impasse over the baseball stadium.
St. Pete mayor Rick Kriseman welcomed Beck's, erm, attention from Beck.
"Woke up, sun is shining, and Glenn Beck is lumping St. Petersburg in with Portland, San Fran, Seattle, Denver, and Phoenix as cities to avoid. An honor! Thanks, Glenn," he wrote on his Facebook page.
So, yes, St. Pete has the above mentioned problems, but city officials are fighting to resolve them; Kriseman has told us himself it's his top priority.